6 Things to Consider When Attending Online Addiction Recovery Groups
There’s a code amongst those in recovery. Some of the code is printed in literature with specific guidelines for behavior. Other aspects are learned over time or discovered in an awkward situation. Even the word “recovery” is sometimes synonymous for what we don’t discuss in press, radio and film.
Recently my Priest was on a national talk show with upcoming graduates to the program she started over 20 years ago. The program helps women come out of sex trafficking, incarceration, and substance use disorder. As they shared stories, I watched as another guest, one of the most recognizable voices and face in Hollywood, nodded and agreed with what was being said. He then mentioned his participation in a similar program and alluded to phrases and ideas we all have become accustomed to in our respective programs of recovery.
Inside the rooms in recovery spaces there’s an understanding that any two people could disagree on EVERYTHING but find common ground in their disease and recovery. I have been in rooms with Trump supporters and Bernie Bros sitting next to each other in loving agreement as they work towards one common goal: addiction recovery.
This is what happens inside the sacred space of meetings.
With the rapidly changing environment the concept of meetings has been put to the test. Many of us get squirrely if we miss our meetings or our schedules get disrupted. This isn’t specific to those in recovery but for many in recovery it is a lifeline to normalcy and functionality.
One thing that has developed to keep things “normal” is online meetings. Being a fella in a secret society of ex-problem drinkers I have been invited to many different private facebook groups and online meeting spaces.
Last night I did my first one and it was all I could do not to burst into tears as I realized how much I’d missed it.
That said, here are a few things I’ve noticed as a participant and moderator in the meetings and a few things to consider for this online version of our recovery.
Pause when Agitated: What is normal on Facebook isn’t always normal in real life. Over the years people have come to expect a little tension or animosity in the comment section of Facebook. This is a PERFECT time to practice what the literature says about how we must “pause when agitated.”
Be Comfortable with Contradiction: Remember the social nature of online AND the anonymity of certain programs can be in direct opposites to one another. A person’s willingness to live life openly, exclaiming to all that they are in recovery is a personal choice. Taking screenshots of online meetings OR posting on the Facebook wall of a new online sober friend without knowing how they live their daily life in relation to their sobriety can do irreparable damage. Who you see here, what you hear here is confidential.
You Decide to Share your Sobriety Date: If you are a person who openly shares your sobriety date with anyone and everyone, that is your choice. However, if you prefer not to share it, don’t. Should an online community require that, reach out to the administrator of that community to ask if it is necessary. We have to stay true to ourselves. I can’t speak for the traditions of all the varying recovery communities but the one I’m a part of says there’s only ONE requirement for membership…
Press the Mute Button: With so many people using video conferencing platforms for the first time many don’t know mics still pick up sound even when you aren’t speaking. To keep from others being distracted by your mic, hit the mute option when not talking so the person speaking can share openly. If you are moderating a discussion, make sure settings are set correctly and YOU know how to mute someone if you need to. While this isn’t an issue for closed groups, open groups have a greater risk of being zoombombed.
Don’t Forget Your Manners: Inside the rooms of a lot of recovery communities there are certain collective responses. For example, if Sharon introduces herself, everyone else responds, “Hello Sharon!” It takes a lot for some to introduce themselves in our communities. The power of a group of people welcoming that person in by saying their name shouldn’t be lost. Right now especially this is WILDLY important. Unmute your mic, respond accordingly and hit that mute button again to listen intently while the person shares.
Be Engaged: Sitting in a chair is the same in a meeting or at home. Try to stay engaged the entire time like you would if the meeting was happening in person. It is distracting to leave a meeting to go smoke or use the restroom and come back, it is equally distracting to do so in a zoom meeting. It feels awkward to be staring at a screen the whole time… ESPECIALLY with your own face staring back at you, but know everyone feels like this is awkward at first. You will get used to it. Turn off notifications on your phone. Don’t surf the internet. Be in the moment and help your online community stay sober another day.
What else have you noticed in your online meetings that need to be mentioned? Please share them with us. As we continue to come together, separately, we must remember we’re all in this together. Social distancing shouldn’t derail sobriety.
